As a return to work and leadership coach, I have coached hundreds of individuals returning to paid work after a career pause. In my experience, one of the most common hurdles to overcome is a lack of self-confidence.
A lack of confidence often arises in situations where the outcome is uncertain, you are trying something new (or that you haven’t done in a long time), or you are taking on a risk that feels like it will have a huge impact on your future. A job search after a career pause usually ticks all three of those boxes, so it is no wonder that it’s so common for people to feel a lack of confidence during this process.
And yet, we know that it is so important to show up confidently during the job search. It has a huge positive impact on an employer’s considerations when hiring.
So how do you show up confidently? Should you “fake it till you make it”?
No. The “faking it” part is sure to shine through and hold you back from moving forward in the interview process.
Instead, check out some of the common challenges to self-confidence that I see my clients face and practical tips for overcoming them.
Challenge 1: Not feeling confident in your skill set
You likely have more skills than you recognize. Reflect on your unpaid work experiences. What skills did you use in those experiences that would be transferable to the job that you want?
Did you work with other team members to lead your daughter’s girl scout troop? Then you likely utilized communication skills with a team in a remote work environment.
Were you room parent for your son’s class? Then you likely leveraged relationship building skills to connect with other parents to foster a sense of community and inclusion.
If you see gaps between your skill set and those required for the job you want, then consider taking on a volunteer role or short-term projects where you can build those skills.
Challenge 2: Comparing yourself to others
Comparison is the #1 killer of confidence. Don’t do it.
We never know what’s really going on for others and we make up stories in our head that it’s somehow easier for them. Remember, though, that we don’t see all the “no”s they faced before they got to where they are now.
Instead, compare yourself to how far you have come and reflect on your strengths that make you qualified for the job you want. Redefine success based on what you want now – not ten years ago and not based on your neighbor’s idea of success.
Can you position your career pause as a strength? For many of the returners that I work with, they are so excited to get back to paid work they bring a level of enthusiasm to a new job that others who have continuously been working might not have. What makes you an outstanding candidate for the job that you want?
Challenge 3: Not applying for jobs because you don’t feel 100% confident
You are never going to have 100% confidence that you can do something. You might not even be 80% sure that you can do something until you have done it often. Yet many of us believe we should feel fully confident before we even make our first move. As a result, some people, especially women, end up not applying for positions if they don’t check every box on the job description.
Don’t wait until you are 100% confident. Move forward with courage instead.
Take the next small step towards the future that you want and see where it takes you. It doesn’t have to be the “right” step or the “best” step. Experiment and put yourself out there.
Remember a time when you were confident, and pull from that experience. How did you feel in that past situation? Bring that feeling to this situation. Remember that in that previous situation you also started out not confident and grew. What skills did you learn in another situation that can help you feel more confident here? What strengths do you have that will help you be successful here?
Challenge 4: Applying for so many jobs and not hearing back
This is a tough one, but a couple of things can help. First, normalize rejection. Acknowledging that the rejections are part of the process and will always outweigh acceptances in any job search can help you level-set your expectations.
Next, look for the small wins along the way. What did you learn that you will do differently next time? What are you learning that works well in the job search? How can you spend more time doing those things that have paid off and less time on other things?
Finally, ground yourself in your strengths. Always come back to what you did well. Remember, it is not always about you. It is sometimes about them. Did you hold true to your values in this interaction? Great! Celebrate that!
Which one of these tips will you implement in your job search strategy?
Anna McKay is a return to work and leadership development coach and founder of Parents Pivot which focuses on helping parents return to paid work after a career pause and/or navigate career and leadership transitions successfully as a working parent. For more tips on returning to paid work, sign up for Parents Pivot’s free on-demand masterclass.